Food Crime - 1 - Burger King Taco

Something my buddy Zach and I like to do is torture ourselves with what we have appropriately dubbed “Food Crimes.”

Food Crime [ˈfüd+ˈkrīm] n.

When some executive at a restaurant (often a quick service restaurant) decides to really just push the envelope.

Ex: That time Burger King made a fucking taco.

A “Crispy Taco, according to the King himself.” photo: Burger King

Zach and I like to take an afternoon every now and again and travel from one fast food joint to the next trying the worst they have to offer. It isn’t something we’re proud of, but it is something we’ll own up to. Morbid curiosity just often gets the better of us. You know when you come across a YouTube video called something like “Top Ten Worst Car Accidents” at like 3 AM? And you can’t help but to click play? Even though you know you shouldn’t? It’s like that.

Anyway, earlier this week Zach and I decided to subject ourselves to Burger King’s “Crispy Taco,” a horrible machination of equal parts capitalistic greed and playing God. All for the low, low price of $1.00.

Our experience began at the Burger King by our High School. Lots of great memories, and now one traumatic one, were made in that Burger King. The service was pretty par for the course; it took about 20 minutes to get our two tacos, and when we finally got our order, we found that they had forgotten one. I like to think this is because those poor workers were trying to protect us from ourselves. And I thank them for their service.

Anyway, the taco itself was so much worse than you’re thinking. I was expecting something similar to a Taco Bell taco, but with less-seasoned meat. What we got instead was this:

This is what they actually look like. I forgot to take a picture at the time but trust me, this is accurate. photo: Jeff C. on Yelp.

The edges of the tortilla were, in fact, crispy, but the middle part that played host to the innards of the taco was soggy and chewy. It also tasted…well, it tasted like somebody described to a Burger King employee what a taco is, but, unfortunately, said employee had their AirPods in and couldn’t be bothered to stop listening to a Podcast about entrepreneurship long enough to listen to what their supervisor was saying, then proceeded to make a taco that tastes like longing to be something you know you’ll never be.

All in all, it was everything I wanted and more. I give the Burger King Crispy Taco a cool 9/10.

- Camruinn