Food Crime - 1 - Burger King Taco

Something my buddy Zach and I like to do is torture ourselves with what we have appropriately dubbed “Food Crimes.”

Food Crime [ˈfüd+ˈkrīm] n.

When some executive at a restaurant (often a quick service restaurant) decides to really just push the envelope.

Ex: That time Burger King made a fucking taco.

A “Crispy Taco, according to the King himself.” photo: Burger King

Zach and I like to take an afternoon every now and again and travel from one fast food joint to the next trying the worst they have to offer. It isn’t something we’re proud of, but it is something we’ll own up to. Morbid curiosity just often gets the better of us. You know when you come across a YouTube video called something like “Top Ten Worst Car Accidents” at like 3 AM? And you can’t help but to click play? Even though you know you shouldn’t? It’s like that.

Anyway, earlier this week Zach and I decided to subject ourselves to Burger King’s “Crispy Taco,” a horrible machination of equal parts capitalistic greed and playing God. All for the low, low price of $1.00.

Our experience began at the Burger King by our High School. Lots of great memories, and now one traumatic one, were made in that Burger King. The service was pretty par for the course; it took about 20 minutes to get our two tacos, and when we finally got our order, we found that they had forgotten one. I like to think this is because those poor workers were trying to protect us from ourselves. And I thank them for their service.

Anyway, the taco itself was so much worse than you’re thinking. I was expecting something similar to a Taco Bell taco, but with less-seasoned meat. What we got instead was this:

This is what they actually look like. I forgot to take a picture at the time but trust me, this is accurate. photo: Jeff C. on Yelp.

The edges of the tortilla were, in fact, crispy, but the middle part that played host to the innards of the taco was soggy and chewy. It also tasted…well, it tasted like somebody described to a Burger King employee what a taco is, but, unfortunately, said employee had their AirPods in and couldn’t be bothered to stop listening to a Podcast about entrepreneurship long enough to listen to what their supervisor was saying, then proceeded to make a taco that tastes like longing to be something you know you’ll never be.

All in all, it was everything I wanted and more. I give the Burger King Crispy Taco a cool 9/10.

- Camruinn

Book Review: The Magicians

Hey everyone,

If you know me, then you know I’m a sucker for fantasy novels, and especially urban fantasy novels (urban fantasy is like regular fantasy, except it takes place in modern times. Think Lord of the Rings versus Harry Potter).

So in that vain, I figured that today I would talk about something I’ve been a little obsessed with for the past little while: The Magicians.

Click to check it out

Before I go any further, let me just say: this trilogy is a real winner. If you like engaging plot and interesting, well-fleshed-out characters, do yourself a favor and track down a copy of the first book (also titled The Magicians). I sprinted through all three books in about a week, and I’m still starving for more.

For those of you that need a bit more than just a recommendation, The Magicians is a trilogy of urban fantasy books by Lev Grossman about Quentin Coldwater, a young man who learns magic at an upstate New York college, and I love it like a new favorite pair of shoes.

Now I understand that that simple plot summary on its own might be enough to dissuade you from stepping anywhere near the thing. I get that they just sound like yet another mish-mash of cookie-cutter plot devices that just ooze fantasy stereotype, but trust me when I say The Magicians is special. It does something most average fantasy books fail to do and what each and every great fantasy book succeeds to do; it takes the focus off the fantasy.

See, what makes The Magicians so cool isn’t the flashy magic or the wild settings, in fact, there really isn’t much of that in the books. What makes The Magicians so great is its characters.

At its core, the series isn’t really all that dependent on Quentin’s ability to shoot fireballs, or his adventures in the Narnia-esque Fillory; The Magicians is first and foremost a story about a kid and his weirdo friends figuring out who they are. There’s the real kind of character development here that’s pretty rare in most stories. If someone were to take away all the magic and adventure from these books, they’d still have a really solid character study about a group of assholes figuring out how to not be assholes anymore.

Full disclosure, these books aren’t for the faint of heart. They can get pretty dark at times (which, honestly, might be one of the major reasons I like them so much). In the first book alone Quentin sort of goes off the rails, almost ruining his life in the process. But they tend to end on happier notes, all the characters the wiser for their mistakes.

I should also mention that there is a Syfy show based on the books, but I haven’t really delved that deep into it, so I’ll reserve judgement until a later post.

There’s not really much more I can say before I get into Spoiler Territory, but just know that Grossman really did make something (sigh) magical when he wrote these books. They get a solid five stars from me— go check them out.

- Camruinn

An Appreciation for an Ad

Hey all,

(I’m a little late with this one)

Most of you have probably been (at least second-handedly) keeping up with the release of the new iPhones. Maybe you’re actively seeking out information, or maybe you’re just on Twitter. Either way, I think Apple did something pretty cool this year that everyone should be interested in (at least a little).

As a bona fide loser I’ve been following pretty closely. I watched the Keynote, read the articles, and have since been following as the first reviews come in. I think Apple has some cool stuff on the way. Personally, the camera on the Pro iPhones seem pretty cool, and I’ve been on the fence about getting an iPad for the past year or so, and this year I might finally pull the trigger.

But the thing I’m most impressed with this year has got to be the Watch.

Well, not really the Watch.

The ad for the Watch.

Click to enrich yourself

To be honest, I’m not totally sure why I like it so much, but for the past week or so I’ve been watching (ha.) it about every day or so. There’s the obvious stuff, of course. They managed to pick a hell of a track (they always do), and the VFX are pretty phenomenal, but honestly that’s to be expected, I think.

I think one reason I like it so much is the feel it gives off. That’s not an incredibly scientific dissection, but still. It reminds me a lot of the old Apple commercials. Very 1984 or Think Different. More than anything, it gives off the feeling of a plucky short-film rather than a commercial, which is something Apple has always been good at doing.

Every time I watch it I get the feeling that the people behind it set off just to make something cool, not something that would sell a lot of product. Where most other ads might harp on showing off the thing itself and listing off a series of specs, Apple manages to make a pseudo-music video that focuses on people using the Watch, as well as some cool visuals and real artistry.

It’s a refreshing change from the monotony that I usually get before my YouTube videos.

- Camruinn